beauty of life

The beauty of life is what while we can not undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it, and change so that every new moment is not spent in regret, guilt, fear, or anger, but in wisdom, understanding and love.

Home

They say that instinctively animals remember there way back home, maybe it is a sense of smell or place or memory. We are more fragile, in an instant, our memories can become shadows. The distance between ourselves and the ones we love, can begin to seem insurmountable. All some of us can do, is stay close to home, in hope we will not be forgotten. But in the end, remembering is not entirely up to us, neither is coming home.

Common Sense

Common sense says we are the product of our choices, good or bad, the decisions we make , determine who we are. They create our fate.. the problem was, I wasn't listening to common sense, and when I did, it was already too late.

Setbacks

Failures came first.
Somebody had to fight them through. This time it's you.
Behind any stories of success, you will find years of frustration.
And it's hidden silently behind that single accomplishment.
Come on, shed those tears and fight again.
If God be for you, who can be against you?
Just give it another big blow! Don't be a holdout.
Go all out. Do this, and life will not hold out on you.
If you're as far down as you can get -- that there's no further down you can go;
Congratulations!
The only direction that you can take now is UP.
Hey! There's no defeat!
There's no failure!
They're only temporary setbacks

I am...

I am a daughter, a sister, a grand-daughter, a niece, a cousin, a friend. I am a partner, a student, a young girl and a grown woman. I am confident and scared, terrified and excited. I am loving, and caring, and thoughtful, and hopeful. I am sick and tired. I am shy and friendly, and careful and careless. I am broken and whole. I am misunderstood, misguided, and mislead. I and hard working and determined, but a little scared on the inside. I wish on stars and dream my dreams. I pray to God and cry my tears, I smile on the outside, while I am dying on the inside. I listen to others who won’t listen to me . I walk on egg shells, and I walk on fire. I believe in passion, but not in true love. I love you and I push you away. I want you, but not so close. I am everything and nothing, all at once. And all I want is for you to LOVE ME.

Happy 4th of July

I have the pleasure to work with veterans every day. It is amazing how much these guys and gals go through for us!! I never realized the permanence they must deal with every day in their lives. Thank you so much for being our hero's!!!!

Photograph

When I look at a photograph, I didn't see a invicible person.
I see a scared little girl...
I want to take her hand and hold it, and I want to tell her it's alright for us to get better.
I spent my life desperate for love, but not knowing the right words to use or where to find it.
Now I am learning, one day at a time.
And I want to tell that scared little girl,
Love is where we carve out our lives.

Words save us, they empower us because they allow us to feel.
They tether us to our own truth. And of all the words I have been learning,
NO, was the most foreign... NO means, that I am alive without a man to desire me...
NO means that I exist!
Words have taken me back to my memories.
They have shows me the truth's I couldn't see before.
We can't rewrite our own histories, but we can learn the truth about them.
ANd in learning, find respect, and in respect, find STRENGTH!!!

MASK

A mask of plastic happiness often covers her sadness
Her beliefs hidden from most
Afraid of, but willing to face the unknown
Wondering where her place is in this life
She has come close to sharing herself
Never completely revealing anything to anyone
Feelings of invisible chains corner her
When she dreams, reality shatters before her very eyes
Accomplishments she strives for just at hands grasp
She feels lost sometimes, not yet finding her notch in this world
At times the glimmer in her calm eyes slowly disappears
But within her heart a silent flame burns her inside and out
She roams day by day, playing roles
Strength unknowingly resides in her
History repeats itself once again
The translucent veil she so proudly wears
Little by little answers will come, pushing it aside
One day there will be no more mask for her to wear
One day her beliefs will be known
One day she'll know her place in this life
One day she will share herself
ONE DAY this mask will be NO MORE

Joan of Arc

So my niece was telling me the story of Joan of arc, a peasant girl who got the entire French army to follow her, she died at 19, burned at the stake, this story made me cry, partly for Joan… but partly for my niece believing in a girl who lived 600 years ago, it made me remember that I was like that once too.. I mean we all were, as we get older, we forget to believe in imagination… my niece has faith, that her father will come home in one piece, that tomorrow will be better than today, that she can be brave, that she can be st. Joan. I guess what I am saying is, let’s not forget to believe, let your imagination rule, again. Or something like that…

Fun with friends and family

I came home, went straight to my room, sat on the edge of my bed,kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra,and I had myself a good cry.

I'm telling you,I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale.I cried until my ears were hot.I cried until my head was hurting so badthat I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet.

I want you to understand,I had myself a really good cry yesterday.

Yesterday, I cried,for all the days that I was too busy, or too tired, or too mad to cry.

I cried for all the days, and all the ways,and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected, and disconnected my Self from myself,only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others did to methe same things I had already done to myself.

I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen;for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up;for all the things I had accomplished, only to give them away, to people in circumstances,which left me feeling empty, and battered and plain old used.

I cried because there really does come a time when the only thing left for you to do is cry.
Yesterday, I cried.I cried because I hurt. I cried because I was hurt.I cried because hurt has no place to goexcept deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place,and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up.

I cried because it was too late. I cried because it was time.

I cried because my soul knew that I didn't knowthat my soul knew everything I needed to know.

I cried a soulful cry yesterday, and it felt so good.

It felt so very, very bad.

In the midst of my crying, I felt my freedom coming,

Because Yesterday, I cried with an agenda.

Journey

There is a journey awaiting you.

It comes in truth and promise...

When you reach the point of not knowing

Who you are or where to go.

This most precious but often painful passage

Is the journey to yourself.

You will travel to places never before visited,

Where you meet unspoken fears

And unearth buried truths.

You will climb high and perilous mountains...

Those that rise up from inside yourself.

You will explore forgotten waters

Held deep in the sea of your soul.

You will be stranded in the wilderness

And find a way through pathless land.

You will be lost before you are found.

You will be empty before you are full.

You will cry the deep sobs of the earth,

And tears of rain will cleanse the house around your heart.

In time...because life like birth and death

Knows its own time...

Your fears and struggles and unknowing will be transformed.

You will become a mountain place where eagles soar.

You will become a reflecting pool.

Which sees and knows the mysteries of your life.

Your heart will be light like a butterfly.

As you follow the currents of its true desires.

The flight of the honeybee will be yours as you seek the nectar

Of what brings sweetness to your daily life.

Most of all, you will become who you truly are.

Your life will hold truth, promise and meaning.

And the heart of the heavens will hold your heart.

Truth

Do not depart from truth. For it will make you stronger.
Do not let go of your guests for they will teach you perseverance.
And as the many moons pass before you, do not depart from the wisdom
that will become yours, for it will give you peace.

Hell or Love??

To rejoin life, is to accept what has happened, but I can't accept it. I can't move forward, can't turn back, so I hold my breath living in a suspended state of existence.
There is no preparing for this, no books, no pictures, no training; it's reality.
It makes me wonder if sometimes I would be better off, not having come into this world.
Everything that was familiar is now unfamiliar, what's light is now dark. The world seems a vast and unfriendly place.
What you see, hear, feel; somehow you are just supposed to put it all away, forget you saw it, move on.
Is this hell? Or is hell never to love again?